It's rough

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It's rough when you're a fixer.

When you hear of a problem or an issue that causes someone discomfort or pain or frustration or anger.
I tend to try to fix it.

I can't fix Alexa.

Things right now are a roller coaster as she's trying to navigate who she is and how she feels.
Right now it's moment by moment and that's been tough.


I can't fix how she is feeling and I can't fix her back to be normal and I can't fix the length of time she's in her brace and I can't fix that she feels insecure in everything she wears because she's afraid people will see her brace and I can't fix that it's uncomfortable and I can't fix that she's angry and I can't fix that she cares how people view her and I can't fix that sometimes hugs aren't wanted.

To be at an age where you are coming into your own and figuring out who you are, Alexa is feeling defined by her Scoliosis.
She has her moments of strength and for that I can't feel anything but blessed.

Here are a couple letters to herself:

"Note to get through my day...
Dear Alexa,
No matter why you're sad or happy, you are a great friend.
You are funny, caring and you make new friends every day.
So all you have to do is include people and always be
aware that everyone loves you!
Love,
Alexa"


"Dear Alexa,
I want you to know that to get through this tear
you have to have faith and I know your back
brace hurts and it's hot but you have a lot of
people on your side. You're a tough girl.
Believe in yourself.
Love,
Alexa"


I'm just going to try and keep filling her with positive words and help drown the negative.
The negative thoughts are toxic and I have to help her believe that she's amazing.

Cause, she's really damn amazing.

Comments

Leann said…
Alexa is an amazing young lady because her mother is so amazing! It’s so hard to see our precious children in pain and not know what to do to make it better. All you can do is love them harder praise them more and be as positive as possible. You are already doing all of these things. Alexa is so lucky to you for her mother! She has a wonderful support system and a loving family. If there is ever anything that Alexa needs please just name it and she will have it! As her mother I’m sure that there will be days that you just need to talk or time for yourself please just say the the word I’m here for you anytime day or night! Please don’t feel like you have to go through this alone you and your family are loved by many. God will always listen. Your faith with help through too. I know it’s sometimes hard to understand why we have to go through these trials, I know it’s tuff now but you and Alexa are going to be stronger people through this. I love you both bunches. Whatever you need I’m here��♥️
January 29, 2020 at 10:49 AM
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