Posts

Alexa Update

Image
Alexa had her six week in brace appointment which included an x-ray to see how the brace was working. We've had to make a few adjustments to the brace as it was causing some discomfort and bruising. She has been doing a pretty good job of sleeping in the brace and that's where she is getting a good chunk of time in the brace. She is supposed to be at 18-23 hours a day but we are honestly more along the lines of 10-16 hours. She does good at school with keeping it on and wearing it when she is supposed to, but she is still struggling with keeping her brace a secret from her peers. She has a few close friends that know about her brace and they have been so loving and supportive. She has been seeing a chiropractor regularly to help with some of the aches and pains of wearing the brace and she's been a trooper. Her favorite adjustment is her neck!

Now for the update on her scoliosis. We went to Riley on Wednesday morning and she did an x-ray in her brace. They look at the …

It's rough

Image
It's rough when you're a fixer.

When you hear of a problem or an issue that causes someone discomfort or pain or frustration or anger.
I tend to try to fix it.

I can't fix Alexa.

Things right now are a roller coaster as she's trying to navigate who she is and how she feels.
Right now it's moment by moment and that's been tough.


I can't fix how she is feeling and I can't fix her back to be normal and I can't fix the length of time she's in her brace and I can't fix that she feels insecure in everything she wears because she's afraid people will see her brace and I can't fix that it's uncomfortable and I can't fix that she's angry and I can't fix that she cares how people view her and I can't fix that sometimes hugs aren't wanted.

To be at an age where you are coming into your own and figuring out who you are, Alexa is feeling defined by her Scoliosis.
She has her moments of strength and for that I…

Alexa Update

Image
We all have a story.
It belongs to only us and no one else.
This is a new chapter in Alexa's story.
A chapter that I did not wish for her but one that I know in time, will touch someone and make a difference in their life.


This.has.been.hard.
Let me catch you up.

This is Alexa's Boston Brace.



This is her being fitted for the brace.


Not sure how I feel about this brace quite yet.

Right now, Alexa hates it. And...I hate it for Alexa.

She is struggling and it takes everything in me to try and stay positive for her. But I will do anything to push her because I know deep down she is one of the toughest girls out there.

There are 3 stages:
Stage 1: Alexa is required to wear the brace for 6 hours per day for two weeks. We are to take it off every 2 hours to check for any sores of rubbing on her skin. Right now, we are trying to fit the hours in at home as Alexa is not ready to wear it to school or even out of the house at all.

Stage 2: Alexa will be required to wear…

Alexa Anne

Image
Who is Alexa? If you know her, you know she can either be very shy or really silly. You don't know what you're going to get but it's always great. She writes the most encouraging notes just when you need them and her hugs, when I get them, are pretty damn amazing.

Alexa has always been a Daddy's girl no doubt. I knew deep down that one day she would need me.

Of course she would always need me in some way because let's face it, the girl is a picky eater and if I didn't make her lunch she might starve.
See? She needs me!

But on a deeper level, Alexa and I have always struggled to really see eye to eye. We butt heads when Chris travels and it's been a mystery to me what it is exactly that she needs from me as her mom. I just always felt in my heart that one day she would really NEED me.

She recently got a gift card and she spent it on a pair of Christmas Pajamas. She begged her dad to get me the exact same pajamas so that she and I could match. I am n…

words

Image
There are so many quotes floating around our universe reminding us that words matter. Often times it's in reference to hurt and negative things that we say to each other.I know for myself, the topic of words is a constant conversation that comes with raising children and teaching them that words leave a mark...forever.
As I continue figuring out who I am, I've noticed that my own words can hurt even myself. I'm alone most of the time and that's been hard for me these days as I am searching for what it is I am supposed to do now that the definition of being a stay at home mom has changed for me.

It's just me and my thoughts...my words.

I'll spare you the conversations that I have with myself but will share that they are less than positive and encouraging or helpful.
I've had some significant ups and downs in my life recently and it's so interesting to me the things I hear when I need to that are simply life changing.

words

Our entir…

Look Up

Image
Lately I've been taking some things for granted.
Some of those things I'm okay with as I'm doing some soul searching.
The others, I'm feeling a bit of regret. Mostly the simple things.

There's a song that I could listen to on repeat.
And quite frankly, I HAVE.
"Alone With Me" by: Vance Joy.

This song was inspired by a memory of he and his mother spending time together, walking through town together... She would always tell him to "look up".
"Look up, you might see something you've not seen before".
As he reflected on that he remembers that every time she said that he would always see something new.
Even if it was a street he walked every single day.

I've been doing some serious work on myself.
Who I am as a wife, a mother, a friend and as a daughter.
But the one true discovery I've made is I really don't know who I am as...ME
Aside from all those other roles I play and take part in, I have NO idea…

I'm coming out

Image
In honor of Bloomington Pride Weekend...This is my coming out.

I decided that today is the day.

I am tired of living inside myself and keeping it all in.

Here it goes....


About 17 years ago I was attending my first college. I was born and raised in a Christian Church and decided that a small private Christian College was the best option for me. I chose a school that wasn't too far from home but far enough away that I could get the experience I had always dreamed of as well as grow in my faith. It offered many great experiences for me all while gaining some life long friendships. I was able to learn a lot about myself as well as others and the stories they had to tell. We had chapel twice a week that was required and I loved it because it was an all access pass into amazing speakers who shared their trials and triumphs in their walk with Christ and their every changing relationship with God. As time went on, I began to realize that this experience was MUCH smaller than the big…