Life Sneaks

Sometimes life sneaks up on you. It's so easy to get in a routine, go through the motions and just barely get by when the end of the day meets you. As a mom of three young kids, I have found over the craziest of recent years, that I find myself often living for bedtime and counting down until my little humans are QUIET and ASLEEP. Not living in the moment with them and watching them as they grow. Don't get me wrong though, there are those times when I have a small reminder that they are growing and learning and changing everyday. It is in those moments that I flashback to when they were two and three years old and full of pure joy and excitement for anything life handed them. It's funny how time can seem to stand still yet at the same time....fly by. It's no question I have three very different kids. Landon is a mama's boy who is very in tune with other's emotions and feelings. He has always seemed to be an old soul and I have truly loved that about him and enjoyed watching him observe life in that way. Quin on the other hand... What can I say about Quin? You meet him and you love him as his smile lights up a room and he lives to make others laugh. He has a free spirit but is very independent and stubborn. The kids is smart beyond his little world as a five year old. He tests me daily yet in the same breath can be one of the sweetest and most kind people I've ever known. I wonder daily about the person he will become and what he will do with all the personality he was given and I have a feeling he might surprise many with what it is that he chooses to do on this planet. Then comes Alexa. She loves to make people laugh and she can be very sweet and kind...as long as it's not her brothers. She lives to push their buttons and poke fun at them. She can absolutely hold her own when it comes to living in a house of boys. I have spent much time trying to figure that girl out. She's always been a bit of a mystery to me. We butt heads more than we don't. I had always told myself that she's a daddy's girl and she doesn't really "need" me right now. That some day she will need her mom and I'll be there when she does. Being a daddy's girl with a daddy that travels a lot is really, really hard for an 8 year old girl. Alexa is a freaking TOUGH kid. I rarely know when she is hurting or sick until she can't bare it anymore and is miserable. Unlike her older brother Landon, she does not wear her emotions on her face and she's tough to break. Her best friend moved away last year and since then, she has sort of become a loner. She spends a lot of time in her room alone listening to music and coloring. Part of that I think is sometimes she needs to remove herself from the chaos of the house and just unwind and have alone time. She TOTALLY gets that from me 100%. I'm not sure how Alexa deals with stress and I'm not sure how she processes things that upset her. I'm so used to Landon who without question expresses his emotions verbally and physically. Alexa is just quiet. Alexa has really struggled in school this year and we've stayed on top of it and supported her the best we know how. In the past three weeks we have learned that Alexa has a learning disability, scoliosis and adhd. She is best described to sort of always fly under the radar and with a house of boys who tend to have personalities that can be louder and more obvious than her, she has been sort of overlooked. Some of this being her tough personality and someone who doesn't complain much about things in life and some of this because I have taken for granted her quiet demeanor and disposition. In moments when she is frustrated and lashing out, I often find myself at a loss of how to connect with her and how to understand the way she thinks. I would always tell myself, "she will need me one day and I will be there without question" or "she's just a daddy's girl". What will it take for her to need me? Life sneaks up on you... I can say that right now in her little life, I think she needs her mom. Between all the doctor appointments, pick up to and from school, walking together to the doctor, waiting in waiting rooms, talking about the appointments and being open with her about everything...I think my girl needs me. All of a sudden she is coming to be about things that she didn't really care about before. She asks if her outfit matches, she is wearing dresses, she wants to borrow my jewelry, she holds my hand, she wants me to read with her. I wouldn't wish any of this on Alexa or any child at all, but I will say this...I'm kind of okay with her needing her mom. I knew the time would come. I didn't know when or how it would happen but the time is now. I am learning how to be a mom to my daughter in a very different way than ever have had to before. With all that I have going on in my life and around me I REALLY don't want to screw this up. I really feel like I can't let this moment pass me by. Life is short and I need to make this count. Love my girl so much and holding on to the hope that this is our time.